Whenever Eclipse’s owner takes too long with his morning cigarette, the Black Lab/Bull Mastiff mix will hop on the bus and get off a few stops later… at the dog park.

To commemorate the 50th anniversary of Alfred Hitchcock's legendary horror film The Birds, its producers tracked down one of the film's stars to record some DVD commentary. For some reason, though, it ended up on the cutting room floor.

But lucky for you, we were able to locate the transcript. Here, for the first time, is the DVD commentary of The Birds by actor Corvus Brachyrhynchos, an American crow.

1. I will walk my dog twice a day, every day.

1. I will stop peeing on the carpet.

We've all been there. Stuck at some lame gathering, fake-smiling your way through boring (and sometimes downright offensive) conversations. You wish you could just snuggle up on the couch with your animal companion. If only our pets had phones, then at least we could text them! But what would we say?