5 Airtight Strategies for Sneaking Your Pet into Boring Holiday Gatherings

‘Tis the season for spending time with loved ones. But what if all this holiday cheer is pulling you away from your most important loved one, your pet?

If everyone’s cool with Santa sneaking into their houses, why should it be a crime to sneak your best friend into a holiday party?

Lucky for you, we’ve devised ways to get around these elitist “humans only” policies. Here are five can’t-fail strategies for sneaking your pet into otherwise mind-numbing holiday gatherings.

1. Put your dog in a business suit.

Image source: Funny Animal Photo

It’s your job to go to the company Holiday party, even though you’d rather be home singing carols to your dog. You tried bringing him last year, but NOTHING gets past Diane in accounting. Well…almost nothing.

Enter with your sharp-dressed “mystery man” and soon your co-workers will start thinking of him as one of the team. A strong, silent type. He’s also way more fun than most of your cube-mates -- who else has zero qualms about kissing absolutely everyone underneath the mistletoe?

2. Pass your cat off as a muff.

Image source: Winter 1882, by Francesc Masriera

Your nephew is performing in his second grade Holiday pageant. He’s dressed up as a snowflake. CUTE. But how are you supposed to get kitty past those hall monitor-like ushers?

By using fashion, of course! Remember those Victorian muffs? It’s time to bring that look back.

Pro Tip: This ruse works best if you have a quiet, fairly immobile cat.

Here’s a professional mock-up of what the cat muff might look like:

Image source: Best Alzheimers Products

Fashion forward and discreet!

3. Claim that your pet is a sign from God.

For some reason, animals have never really been popular in houses of worship. So unless you’re lucky enough to go to a church like THIS ONE in Wisconsin in Wisconsin, you’re going to be sitting through holiday services without your best friend.

But how to get your animal past that Rabbi, or that pack of nuns?

By telling everyone he’s a sign from God. It worked for this dog, who has a butt that looks like Jesus:

Image source: Huffington Post

Who are they to say your pet iguana doesn’t look exactly like Moses? Or that your hamster’s fur doesn’t look like the one of the wise men’s beard?

4. Wrap your dog in Christmas lights

If hanging with your mother-in-law wasn’t hard enough, this year she moved into a PET-FREE senior living condo. Dinner is going to be pretty much unbearable without your furry friend, so you need a strategy to get him past condo security. It’s simple: wrap him in Christmas lights. Everyone will be so dazzled by the twinkling lights; they’ll fail to notice what’s underneath!

Image source: Flickr

5. Wear a sweater with a cat embroidered on it.

Sure, that friend of a friend says he’s “allergic” and doesn’t want pets at his party. But how can you NOT bring your cat to an Ugly Sweater Party? Think of all that yarn!

Thankfully, there’s one old reliable trick that people have used since the dawn of time: disguise the feline in your arms by wearing a sweater with a cat embroidered on it.

Image source: Astral Boutique

It’s perfect cat-ouflage! If anyone does call out your pet, just tell them you’re wearing a 3-D sweater.

Good luck! With these can’t-miss strategies, your pet is sure to be the life of the party, or at least an excuse to avoid hearing Leo from Accounting’s detailed description of the route he’s taking to drive to his parents’ house.